Back to the Drawing Board

Ok, so I'm finally feeling up to writing again- I needed some time to process everything.

The ultrasound I had on Monday, April 14th showed nothing in my uterus. However, my betas continued to double, so we continued to hope. We scheduled another ultrasound for Monday, the 21st. However, that Saturday I woke up bleeding bright red blood. I went to the ER for a second ultrasound and, sure enough, the embryo was in my tube. I was given a shot of methotrexate and sent home. Fortunately, the methotrexate worked and no further treatment was needed. However, now we are back to square one again.

It's strange - this loss doesn't hurt nearly as much as the first one. Either I'm a bit numb, or I just didn't get too attached to this pregnancy. I certainly don't look at getting pregnant like I once did now. It doesn't seem fun to me anymore. And honestly, I'm too exhausted physically and emotionally to think about trying again right away. I know that there is no relation between the m/c and the ectopic - that it was just a fluke. However, my body is still reeling from the hormones and other changes. My emotions are raw from this roller coaster. We need to wait at least three months after taking the methotrexate to try again, and I'm definitely ok with that. We also have an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist the end of this month. Most likely, the doctor will tell us that we were just unlucky and we should just try again naturally, after we heal. That's what I'm hoping to hear, anyway. However, I'm also prepared for the idea that the ectopic might warrant some further testing to be sure that tube is ok. That would be ok, too - I'm petrified of another ectopic now. I probably won't post too much more between now and the doctor's appointment. Like I said, I need some time to get myself together. But I'll definitely keep this blog updated, especially once we start trying again. For myself, more than any other reason. Putting everything into words somehow makes it easier to deal with.